Let's try this again!

It's been about 2 years since I posted anything here.  Let's just say I've been busy.

Working, looking for work, vacationing, knitting, sewing, crafting, raising a kid, dealing with hounds, fixing that which is broken (myself is the last on that list).

I'm just as busy now, but trying to focus a little more, simplify a lot, and feel a little less scattered.  Why not start here?  I've been doing more craft fairs and have tentatively opened an Etsy store, .  I think I've got 5 items in it now.  I'm determined to get it updated and filled after the next big craft fair, which happens 2 days before BubbaLou's first day at her new school.  I'm taking baby steps in focusing and simplifying and organizing.

Nice Surprise

Today I got a call from a friend I met at Outdoor Retailer 3 years ago. I don't think I've spoken to him in over a year. He called to say he's back in the industry & hoping he''ll see me at OR. It was so nice to hear a friendly voice that understands how hard working a trade show is (even though it's fun) and that despite the fun, you'd rather be home with your family. It made my day.

I've introduced BubbaLou to the sport of slacklining (video introduction.) She can't wait to try it out and neither can I. I think it'll be a good way to work the hell out of my core and have fun. Get my skinny little waist back. She wants to learn to "do tricks like the people in the videos." I'm hoping I can get a deal on a Gibbon at OR, I've been told they're the best. They usually sell them at the show, so here's to hoping! I know I've always stopped to watch at their booth, wishing I could join in the fun.

I'm not looking forward to the packing, but I never do. In fact, I'm procrastinating right now. I have yet to not over pack and then bring back too much stuff. I'm traveling the lightest yet, so I may end up checking a well packed box on the way home. It's been done before!

it's been awhile

Spring came & went. So did Expo. My hours at work went back to normal. Headed to Outdoor Retailer in SLC next week. Part of me can't wait, part of me doesn't want to go at all. It's all the same shit, different day. Work will never change until I can find something new with a chance for growth both personal and professional.

I'm back to knitting, a little bit. I'm sewing the heck out of little girl skirts, knitting breaks it up. Apple Pie Craft Fair is less than a month away and I've signed up for a booth again. Let's hope I don't lose money yet again. 90% of what I'm selling are skirts.

Summer is flying by, like usual. Someday I'll be able to take it off and enjoy it instead of cramming more than possible into each sunny day I don't have to work. This is the reason my house is a disaster area. I should be cleaning instead of writing, but whatever. Oh, to be 25 again with no cares in the world except why my cocktail glass is empty.

My irises were beautiful, until the rain beat the hell out of them. The bee balm is stunning this year. I may actually have edible tomatoes before the frost hits. I'm not holding my breath, though.

I start teaching part-time at BubbaLou's school this fall in exchange for tuition. It works out to about $10/hour, but it's worth it to keep BL at the same school. I'm hoping this will turn into something full time with a decent paycheck. Again, I'm not holding my breath.

Argh. I only seem to post when I'm feeling "off." I guess my journal has gone online. I need to find a babysitter and rediscover my life and the man in it.

Touching base

It's been a while. Got sucked into Facebook, got sidetracked by resumes, made a trip to SLC for Outdoor Retailer (great to see old, and make new, friends.) OR is a long, exhausting show, but it's good for the soul and helps me to remember that people are inherently nice and good. Casey, our new 4-year-old wolfhound has settled into the house nicely. BubbaLou has lost 2 teeth, learned to swim underwater, improved her skiing. I've knit almost nothing, I owe my sister a pair of mittens for Christmas and can't seem to get past the first one. Forget about all the sweaters on needles right now. I'm headed back to CA for Expo West in March and not looking forward to it. It'll be a stressful trip this year and I'm not looking forward to returning the office afterward to face the third degree and petty office jealousy ('cause I'm on vacation out there...riiiiight.) I probably haven't posted in so long because I just had nothing to say. I probably ought to post more often to get things out, maybe it will restore some of my creative ambition and put a little fire under my ass. I am in desperate need of some motivation. And some spring.

Statistics.

I've become one of the many statistics in the US. I was brought in to an office today, door was closed, and I was cut from 32 to 16 hours a week. I was barely making ends meet before this, now I'm at a loss. I don't even know where to start, how to become a resourceful New England-er, how to stretch a nickel into a 20 dollar bill. And because I live in NH, unemployment benefits suck. Even though I qualify, the benefits won't pay my groceries every week. It might have actually been better had they laid me off 100% instead of 50% so I qualified for full benefits.

The holidays will certainly suck this year. Not because BL isn't going to get the sewing machine she wanted, but because the stress level will be at an all time high. The holiday will be special for BL because it will be sparkly and exciting and she's not a greedy, materialistic little girl. There will be a tree and Santa will fill a stocking. Tension and tempers will run rampant, and I'll probably stop eating normally due to stress. On the plus side, I bet I get back down to 102lbs. I'm going to have to keep it together, smile, and laugh. Santa doesn't like cry babies.

I was told this is temporary, "probably" 6-8 weeks. My money's on this being a permanent cut. Funny too, cause I'm the 2nd lowest paid person in the company and of course, I need the money the most. People at work are talking about buying their kids iPods and laptops for Christmas, season passes to ski, and I'm wondering how I'm going to keep warm.

So far, 35 sucks. November sucks. Why wasn't I born in July? I bet people with July birthdays don't have these problems 'cause they get to have fireworks at their birthday parties and it's warm outside.

Eh. Doldrums.

I'm trying not to be jealous (because I know that's ludicrous) & I'm missing certain places/times a lot right now. Decided quiet, lazy Sunday afternoons are not for me a long time ago. Too much introspection, too much meandering down memory lane. I'd much rather be in the company of friends, being lazy together, laughing, joking, maybe enjoying a beer or two, perhaps getting a little loud now and then. Not that I'd change my life right now (well, not much anyway) but it would be nice to have some spontaneity back. I miss having friends pop over for dinner unannounced & unplanned who knew they'd get a good meal-even on the fly, getting that call-"hey, whatcha doin'? let's go..." I've always know I am not someone who does "alone" well. I can if required, but would prefer to be surrounded by a crowd or just a few who let me connect to them.

Have I mentioned that I HATE fall? It's my least favorite season. I can't stand the cooler weather, don't like the sun going down earlier & earlier each night, barely tolerate the leaf-peepers, and generally want to tell the world to go to hell. I avoid scraping the frost off my windshield for as long as possible by using gallons of washer fluid & running the defrost at full blast. I miss my tank tops & skirts, my bikinis, my bare, painted toes. I miss salad and grilled chicken feeling like a great meal. I miss meandering and drifting, driving with the windows down.

I do not think I am depressed. I think I am just a little melancholy. I think I need a swift kick in the ass. I think I have to create the life I want and stop waiting to get it back. I need to remember that many out there have it so much worse than me. And I will remember that...tomorrow.

Poll

If you knit, please go to BikerChicKnits and take her poll in the right sidebar:
"Have you ever lost a FO?"