I'm trying not to be jealous (because I know that's ludicrous) & I'm missing certain places/times a lot right now. Decided quiet, lazy Sunday afternoons are not for me a long time ago. Too much introspection, too much meandering down memory lane. I'd much rather be in the company of friends, being lazy together, laughing, joking, maybe enjoying a beer or two, perhaps getting a little loud now and then. Not that I'd change my life right now (well, not much anyway) but it would be nice to have some spontaneity back. I miss having friends pop over for dinner unannounced & unplanned who knew they'd get a good meal-even on the fly, getting that call-"hey, whatcha doin'? let's go..." I've always know I am not someone who does "alone" well. I can if required, but would prefer to be surrounded by a crowd or just a few who let me connect to them.
Have I mentioned that I HATE fall? It's my least favorite season. I can't stand the cooler weather, don't like the sun going down earlier & earlier each night, barely tolerate the leaf-peepers, and generally want to tell the world to go to hell. I avoid scraping the frost off my windshield for as long as possible by using gallons of washer fluid & running the defrost at full blast. I miss my tank tops & skirts, my bikinis, my bare, painted toes. I miss salad and grilled chicken feeling like a great meal. I miss meandering and drifting, driving with the windows down.
I do not think I am depressed. I think I am just a little melancholy. I think I need a swift kick in the ass. I think I have to create the life I want and stop waiting to get it back. I need to remember that many out there have it so much worse than me. And I will remember that...tomorrow.